just because they belong to me

I wonder if God enjoys spending time with me the way I love being with my own kids. This is fall break week in my kid's school district, so we've had a chance to hang out and spend more time than usual with each other these past few days. I've had a blast. Christian and I traveled to North Carolina together this past weekend. All of those hours in the car with my son were a treat for me. I think he got bored. Casie and I have watched movies, shopped and eaten more in the last couple of days than is probably legal. Our excuse is the occasion. Daddy-daughter time.

I often lay down at night wondering what is on my kid's minds. What are they thinking? I can ask, but they don't often tell. I can't imagine that they are always thinking of video games, cars and boyfriends. But then again, maybe they are. I don't expect them to have me on their minds all the time, but do they ever think of me the way I think of them?

If you have kids, you know that it is impossible to think of life without them. Of course, I know some folks who don't have kids, and don't want any. They couldn't imagine life with them. But I'm in the former group. My life without my children in it would simply be incomplete and void of a certain element that I can't even explain. I get frustrated sometimes with my inability to express to Casie and Christian how very, very deep my love for them is. I wish there was a word for it. Or at least one they could understand.

I could imagine how corny it would sound to them for me to say, "You are my child, my blood, my creation. My love for you is agape." They'd say, "When do we eat?" They have no idea what agape means. But that is the closest word that explains the passion that I have for my children. They don't have to earn it, pay for it, manipulate it, convince me they deserve it, work it up or even appreciate my love. They don't have to understand what motivates it, or why it is so dependable. They are in a position to simply receive my love. And just as they can't do anything to make me love them any more, it is impossible for them to force me to stop loving them - try as they might. They are my children, and I will love them through the worst decision they will ever make, the ugliest moments of their lives and even when they resent it. That is agape love. Sound familiar?